Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Mode: Complicated

Recently I am suffering from a lot of complications, as in emotional wise. I guess the exam stress is haunting me again, I am back to where I was in May - June 2010. 

My exams is less than 2 months away. I want to do well for it, and I know I should start a study plan on it, slack less and work harder. But each time I reach home after work, I will feel tired. If I managed to open the books, I will feel like running away. If I fell asleep when I was supposed to do my revision, I will feel extremely guilty and I will keep reminding myself that I should revise that night but in the end the whole cycle repeats itself. 

On the other hand, I am pretty excited about my Singapore trip. The trip was never meant to be a relaxing trip at the first place. Just because I screwed up my law paper, I have to give up on the revision class in Singapore. But still, I am pretty excited... from hotel reservation to the budget, relaxing, Universal Studios and etc... I have not managed to have a getaway for quite a while, especially since I needed one badly since my last June exams.

I have had enough fun over the last weekend from Emily's birthday party, but I am seriously having trouble disciplining myself to study, to think that "work harder now and play later". Do I think that I can get away with it? 

To make life more complex, viewing from a bad side; to have a nice ice cream topping on my apple pie, viewing from a good side - I cannot get a guy out of my head. This is completely crazy. I do not even know him well enough but I like him enough to make me want to know him better. Screw those people who always say that girls shouldn't make the first move and crap, because in a way I am "listening" to this kind of advices. 

I want to know him better but I think he does not seem keen... so I am backing away a little... because of my pride, I do not wish to be too pushy. Maybe, I am just thinking too much... Should I wait for God to make his arrangement or decision... Like, if it is meant to be, some day we will be together & etc... *rolled eyes*

Really... in a confused state... do not like this at all... whatever test you are trying to put me through, you know I will survive through it but c'mon, just let it pass sooner. 

Photo credit to junku-newcleus @ Flickr.com

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